Quick Thought

When life gets you down, remember this:

Everyone has their "thing". That want, that hate, that regret. I just can't believe that there is anyone that feels everything is 100% perfect. Even if it's that you're lusting after a new camera, a nicer kitchen or better family relations with someone. Everyone needs that feeling to feel alive, in my opinion. If not, then what lights your fire to do better?

If you don't have a single want or if you aren't wishing for SOMETHING that you don't have, then kindly take two steps back so that I don't claw your eyes out. :-)

I Refuse

Things that I refuse to apologize for:

- Having a drink or three after a particulary heinous day.
- Telling a white lie to get out of something that I know will make me miserable.
- Cheating on my points every once in a while.
- Letting Gavin sleep in my arms a little bit longer than necessary.
- Admiting I need my mom when things seem like they'll never get better.
- Needing one more cup of coffee to get my brain going.
- Popping a pill to avoid going over the edge.
- Being myself, flaws included.
- Neglecting a fledgling blog because life has handed me a real shitty hand lately.

Mommy Guilt

It's getting out of control folks! What is it about being a mom that makes me feel guilty for every single thing that I do that doesn't involve the little guy?

Every morning when I drop him off at daycare? Guilt (even though he cracks a big smile when we walk inside)

Every time the hubs puts him to sleep instead of me because I'm just too exhausted? Guilt

Every time I'm not doing something that directly benefits him (ahem, blogging when he's awake)? Guilt

Taking a sick day for myself? HUGE guilt.

Today is that sick day. I left work early yesterday because I've been in huge amounts of pain on and off for almost a week. I decided that enough was enough and I was going to the doctor. No surprise here, I have a kidney/bladder infection. I had been so busy that I didn't take the two seconds to put all the pieces together. "So that's why I've been so tired. My body has been trying to fight off a nasty infection. DUH!"
The doctor tells me to take today off work and recover. I think to myself that there's no way I could take another sick day. I need to save those days for when Gavin is sick. What kind of mother would take a sick day away from her son? Then I wake up this morning and I'm still in pain.

So there I am, stuck between my conscious and my body. After talking to the hubs, I decided to stay at home. I'm trying so hard not to feel guilty about the fact that I need a day to get back on my feet and let the antibiotics do their job. However, I just can't shake the "what-if"s. What if he gets sick later this year and I don't have any days left? What if I get sicker and need a day more than I need it today? SO UNPRODUCTIVE!!!!

What's you mommy guilt du jour?

It (unfortunantley) Isn't Magic

There are so many obvious things in life that we choose to ignore:
- If you jam on your accelerator everytime the light turns green, you're gonna spend more money at the pump.
- If you tell everyone at work you hate your job and have a bad attitude, you're not gonna get a raise and you sure as shit aren't gonna get promoted.
- If you don't nurture your relationships, they're going to falter.
-And the big one...if you eat whatever you want and don't work out, your scale and skinny jeans will let you know about it.

You can try every diet on the planet, but it all boils down to eating right and getting active. Weight Watchers WORKS. It works because it forces you to make healthy food choices and watch your portions. I speak for myself when I say that just because it's common sense doesn't mean it's easy. It's not easy, but it is simple. Hear that? Easy does not equal simple, or vice versa. It's work. It's making concious decisions and planning ahead instead of just raiding the pantry when you're bored/sad/hear the slightest grumble in your tummy, you pick your reason.

I'm saying all this to say that the past few weeks, I haven't cared enough. I have such a limited amount of energy and I am choosing not to spend that energy on weight loss. This is by no means a forever thing, just at this time. I'm also taking responsibility for that. Which means no bitching about the scale or how I look in the mirror. It's cause and effect folks. When you stuff your face with doughnuts, you can't complain about how you look. Just doesn't work that way. It's like failing to vote for years and then complaining about your government. Or not, that's another pet peeve of mine for another day.